#2
Q: Why do I hate school right now?
Because it is boring and pointless and expensive, and I need it to keep going. Because while my last workplace might hire me if I don’t finish college, I’ve less faith in the impropriety of other possible employers. And I need the best credentials I can squeeze from this situation, so I end up trying to do well at school as an end result. And that’s always been a thankless task for me.
Right now, what’s turning me off school is that I have a paper and short story due next week, and I feel empty and tired. I know I can probably do the paper on time so long as I make myself get started on the research I need to do for it, but something tells me the short short story is going to be a no harm, no foul, but you still don’t finish it like you want to kind of deal.
I hate writing when I don’t know if I’ll like the results. This is why all this non-genre short story bullshit amuses me. I like the idea I have for my longer (ha) short story; it is set in space, and will likely be clumsy-as-all-hell militaryish sci-fi, which I like for reasons that are beginning to erode now that I keep bumping into the same pattern over and over again. I’m starting to hate the word “civilian”, and be annoyed at how the “civilians” usually aren’t much good at anything but making dastardly plans and Screwing Shit Up. I happen to be the daughter of a very smart, enterprising “civilian”, and last time I looked, it was the goddamn military that got my country to the state it is in now. Human beings are human beings, and I think I want to write about them more, the non-scientists, non-military, non-on-a-random-spaceship, people.
Back to the question. Why I hate school? I need it. And it is boring me to death. And there isn’t much I can do to change the fact that it is boring me to death. I really just wish I’d started out in something more practical, like software engineering or something. Then again, there’s always the idea of going back to school for that eventually, or even teaching myself to actually use the languages I know. And maybe I’ll end up travelling the world like I want to, and writing more than I thought.
For now, though? I need to rest for an hour, and start my research. And halfway through today, I need to drop everything and try for a rewrite.
